I had planned like everyone else to write this on Tuesday, but this morning I felt compelled to start it early, because after all S isn't just my Valentine on one day a year, he is there making my life just that bit better every day of the year.
This morning I have woken up feeling pretty dreadful. It's that TOM and I seem to get hit every time with one day where I literally cannot move for fear that the world is going to drop out of me. I get really bad back ache and really bad tummy cramps, and it is horrible - but it is only 1 day, and then nothingness for a few more. My doc tells me that the one day is a symptom of my Hashimoto's and that as my meds become more regulated it should ease off. Anyway for now, I am still stuck with it and woke this morning with the age old "I've feel like a stuck pig" thing going on and aching everywhere. I got up to come through and stick the coffee pot on, and then padded back to bed only to find S had moved over to my side and appeared to be fast asleep. As I got to the bed he opened his eyes and moved back onto his side. "I kept it warm for you - figured you weren't feeling too good this morning!". So I climbed back into bed and snuggled down, and we cuddled for a few minutes before S suddenly decided to get himself up. He took his pillows (we have a lot of pillows) and wedged them around me in the bed then went and fetched the electric heat pad he uses for his back, plugged it in and passed it to me. "It might help with the ache" he said "I'll go and get the coffee, and I'll make you some eggs for breakfast" and off he went leaving me cocooned in bed. A few minutes later he returned with coffee and lay on the bed with me just chatting about nothing. We should have been going to the zoo today, but we agreed it would better to go next weekend when I can relax and enjoy it properly. After we had chatted for a while he disappeared again and I relaxed in bed for a while before getting up and wandering through to the living room to see where he had got to. I sat down with my coffee and could hear S busying himself in the kitchen and within minutes he appeared with my eggs "just eat what you can he said" and back to the kitchen he went to clear up.
So this is one of the many reasons why I love my husband the way I do. How did he know I was feeling so crappy without me needing to say anything? - He does that a lot. He isn't one for grand gestures or making a huge fuss or anything like that. He just knows stuff, and he just does stuff and I love him for it.
One thing that I find truly wonderful about S is that he wants me to go and do stuff. Having spent 15yrs living with a man who prevented me from doing anything, because he was paranoid that I would see that life was better without him, this is really important. My stupid ex didn't realise that it was his actions that made me realise that life would be better without him, not anyone or anything else...Anyway that was in a different life, and S is so wonderfully the opposite! I remember my Mum telling me that it was better to give your partner a long rope and let them hang themselves than to try and keep them on a short one and have them desperate to break away! I used to think it was a funny thing to say, but experience has taught me that nothing is more true - and that is exactly what S and I do with each other. We go off and do our own thing, but we always come back together. Neither of us feels that we have to do things together, we want to. S tells me he used to love travelling, but now he still likes the feeling of getting on a plane and going off to do his work, but he relishes the feeling of getting back on a plane and knowing that he is coming home. He says he has never felt that way before, and he says that to him knowing that he is coming home to me and the boys is a magical feeling. How can you fault that?
There are hundreds of things that I could tell you about my husband, but many of things he does are the tiny things that say I love you without even trying to, like the gentle touch as he walks past that you can only just feel, the way he has of knowing exactly how I am feeling by the way I say hello down the phone. The way he makes sure that there is a fresh towel hanging by the shower for me every morning after he has his shower. The way he buys me something but uses the pretence that it is for all of us so he can get me to accept it because he knows I would rather buy for him or the kids than for myself.....
I could go on and on, and would probably be able to even make a few of you feel sick with how sweet my S is - but it is also a fact that he is only these things to me - and he is only these things to me because I love him the same way that he loves me - but I guess that is the crux of what love is all about.....
Happy Valentines Day to you all